My Burden

I usually blog about text, discussions in class, or activites in class. Today however, I will share my burden with you.

Sometimes we, as Christians, go through things that we do not understand. Deaths in the family, job loss, and houses being destroyed, these situations do not make sense to us. We, well I know I, get left with the question, "God Why?" My burden came from a situation that I was involved in through my teenage years.

When I was a teenager, I was involved in a very unhealthy and abusive relationship. I was fooled into believing that my boyfriend, at the time, was a good Godly young man. Of course he acted like he was a good Godly young man for a while. After the "new relationship bliss" fades off, the real thoughts and actions started to show. He slowly made me hate my family members and friends one at a time, so that I would only be dependent on him. I would cry in my bed every night because he would yell at me and accuse me of things I had not even done. After his yelling, he would say, "Hannah I don't know why you're crying, you know I love you. And you can't leave me because you will never find anyone better than me." As a teenager, who lost her close relationship with her family and friends, I felt like I had no one to turn to. I started to believe the things he would say to me. The relationship lasted two years and finally ended once I realized that I had chose him over my family and close friends. I did not realize how brainwashed I was until I came out of the relationship, because even then I didn't think I deserved any better than him. I was stalked for a few months after the break-up, my house had been vandalized, and I ended up in the hospital because my body rejected food due to my nerves. I thank the Lord for my parents who prayed everyday for me.

I honestly believe so many girls are involved in unhealthy and abusive relationships. Teenage girls are set out to find themselves somehow, someway. They do not understand their self-worth and their role as a Woman of God. If I would have had someone in my life at the time who would have told me what I did and did not deserve and who I was as a child of God, it would have been harder for me to be controlled by someone else. I have such a heavy burden for these girls who are crying out inside but will not say anything to anyone else about their relationships. Small groups and accountabilty partners would help situations like this.

I know I went through a lot and thinking about the situation brings back the horrible memories. However, I can honestly say, I do not regret walking through that fire. I came out the other side, refined and polished like a clay pot. I know the Lord is going to use me to minister to young, hurting girls like I was. It is our job as brothers and sisters in Christ to hold eachother up and move forward.

The Holy Bible

Last class Professor Corrigan had the class read aloud the book of Joel from the Bible to nature. After the reading time was finished, the class reported back to the room to collectively discuss thoughts and opinions about the book of Joel, as well as the effect of reading the text aloud.

People tend to forget that the Holy Bible is literature. I think people just cast the Bible aside from literature because it's a book associated with religion and some of the authors may be unknown. However, there are many books that are read in literature with authors unknown. The Bible was inspired by God and written down by many of people that God chose to relay the messages on paper. If anyone were to argue that the Bible is not literature, they should take another look into the text. Different genres, similes, symbolism, and many many themes can be found.

Speaking God's word over nature was an amazing feeling. The Bible states that there is life and death in the power of the tongue. We spoke life into those words and spoke it into existence.

The Book of Joel

The book of Joel was written by none other than Joel himself. He had three purposes for writing this book: to urge people and their leaders to gather for an intense time of prayer and repentence, for the people to repent and turn from their wicked ways, and to record God's prophetic message. He touched on all of these purposes in his book.

While reading the book of Joel I found myself searching deep within my heart. When is the last time I've fasted? Another point that Joel wanted to make was for the people to repent and TURN from their wicked ways. The Bible says you either hate God and love sin or you love God and hate sin. If that is true, then why are Christians, including myself, still sinning? Why do we sit back and listen to people use his name in vain, curse each other out, or go to places that completely go against everything the word of the Lord says. Joel is calling out to the people to come to a place of true repentance.

I feel as though the Lord is at the point where he's calling for true repentance. We don't know when but he will be here any moment.

When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloom'd

a. Lines 20-22 favorite, lines 4-6 difficult, lines 147-150 chilling

f. Cemeteries always send a chill down my spine. There is not anything comforting or peaceful about people ending their lives. The soil of a cemetery is watered with tears. This poem has a chill about it as well, being very dark. I think a trip to the cemetery will put the poem into perspective. It will be easier to read, once I get the full effect of the text.

h. This poem was very difficult to read. Sitting in the library at 8 in the morning and attempting to read a deep, dark poem is not an easy task. I'm thinking about everything I have to do today, I can't wait for chapel, and I'm also looking forward to a nap. But I forced myself to read the text again. If I didn't understand a line, I reread it as well as the text surrounding it. I did not make actual notes however, my mental notes will pull me through when we read this text again in class today.

The Shack

Have you ever honestly read a book or text that changed your complete way of thinking or living? I never came across a text that "wrecked my world" until last summer. I read William P. Young's novel, The Shack, and learned how my relationship with the Lord could increase and grow in a way that I could have never imagined before.

Mack, a wonderful husband and father, had little belief in the existence of God or that there was a Savior who longed to spend time with him. After Mack's daughter is kidnapped by who they think may be a serial killer, he goes on a journey to find her. He came to an old abandoned shack in the woods, and finds the last peice of evidence that linked her to the serial killer. His daughter was gone forever. He begins to get letters in the mail signed by Papa. Ironically, Papa was what Mack's wife called God. The last letter from Papa led him back to the shack where he said goodbye to his little girl. This time the shack looks like a cottage and there were three people inside: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. He watches God the Father cook dinner and then walks on the dock with God the Son as they fish. He begins to develop a relationship with the three of them. As they sat down to eat dinner, he started to say a blessing over the food. He realized then that he could just look at them and thank them. Throughout the story he listens to them and finds out that God is not a mean ruler who took his daughter away from him. He learned the plans that were set in place for his life.

Reading this book made me jealous. Why could I not be Mack in this story? How cool would it be to watch God cook dinner as you listen to his thoughts about life? Or to go fishing with God the Son, just spending quality time with him? I quickly checked myself after asking these questions. I had just learned the purpose of the whole book. William P. Young desired for his readers to develop a relationship with the Lord like Mack did.

I will never view God as a distance ruler in my life. He can be as close to me as I wish.

Theme

Growing up in English classes over the last few years of my life, I learned about theme. "Theme is basically the main idea of the story or passage," my teachers would say. After reading chapter three of our text, my eyes were opened to a whole new way of thinking. Theme can really be anything that you make of the story or passage. I've never realized how many themes or main ideas that could come out of "The Little Red Riding Hood" story I learned as a child. Pathetic as it may seem, I was one of those people who only read a text once. As Professor Corrigan and many more of my teachers have said, "Always read a text twice or more to get the complete meaning or other main ideas." I've heard this quote a million times in my life. If anyone does not believe in this quote, they should read chapter three of our literary textbook. There's truly no way to understand or find hidden meanings and ideas from the author, if the text is only read once. I will always read a text at least twice, maybe even three times. So far, I am really enjoying this class and am excited to learn more about how I can get more out of the text that I read.

The Things They Carried

In Tim O'Brian's story, The Things They Carried, he depicts the real issues of life by using soldiers at war. These soldiers "carried" around not only the essentials they would need for war but they carried hurt, pride, fake love, and fear. As I was reading this story, I found myself thinking about the things that I carry. Lieutenant Jimmy Cross wouldn't climb into a hole to make sure his friend was alright because he feared he would die and never see Martha again, and he was not certain that she loved him in the first place. How often do we worry or carry burdens that are unnecessary? Obviously his friend and fellow soldier should have been more important but he was too consumed with himself and Martha. I never want to be so consumed with myself that I lose sight of the things that are more important. When Ted Lavendar died, the men were full of pride and began to make jokes. Sad enough, men and even ladies still struggle with pride to the point that no one ever sees their true feelings or emotions. I pray that one day pride will be defeated and people will begin to show the world who they really are. Pride holds people back from going to a place with the Lord that they've never been before. The men covered their pain with pride. I think Tim O'Brian did an amazing job of showing these real issues that people still deal with in this day and age.