My Burden

I usually blog about text, discussions in class, or activites in class. Today however, I will share my burden with you.

Sometimes we, as Christians, go through things that we do not understand. Deaths in the family, job loss, and houses being destroyed, these situations do not make sense to us. We, well I know I, get left with the question, "God Why?" My burden came from a situation that I was involved in through my teenage years.

When I was a teenager, I was involved in a very unhealthy and abusive relationship. I was fooled into believing that my boyfriend, at the time, was a good Godly young man. Of course he acted like he was a good Godly young man for a while. After the "new relationship bliss" fades off, the real thoughts and actions started to show. He slowly made me hate my family members and friends one at a time, so that I would only be dependent on him. I would cry in my bed every night because he would yell at me and accuse me of things I had not even done. After his yelling, he would say, "Hannah I don't know why you're crying, you know I love you. And you can't leave me because you will never find anyone better than me." As a teenager, who lost her close relationship with her family and friends, I felt like I had no one to turn to. I started to believe the things he would say to me. The relationship lasted two years and finally ended once I realized that I had chose him over my family and close friends. I did not realize how brainwashed I was until I came out of the relationship, because even then I didn't think I deserved any better than him. I was stalked for a few months after the break-up, my house had been vandalized, and I ended up in the hospital because my body rejected food due to my nerves. I thank the Lord for my parents who prayed everyday for me.

I honestly believe so many girls are involved in unhealthy and abusive relationships. Teenage girls are set out to find themselves somehow, someway. They do not understand their self-worth and their role as a Woman of God. If I would have had someone in my life at the time who would have told me what I did and did not deserve and who I was as a child of God, it would have been harder for me to be controlled by someone else. I have such a heavy burden for these girls who are crying out inside but will not say anything to anyone else about their relationships. Small groups and accountabilty partners would help situations like this.

I know I went through a lot and thinking about the situation brings back the horrible memories. However, I can honestly say, I do not regret walking through that fire. I came out the other side, refined and polished like a clay pot. I know the Lord is going to use me to minister to young, hurting girls like I was. It is our job as brothers and sisters in Christ to hold eachother up and move forward.